How to Interpret Estate Agent Jargon
Anyone who has ever looked for a property knows that just occasionally estate agents can be a teeny bit economical with the truth. Glossing over the truth is common and phrases can be interpreted in various ways, which is why the Co-operative Bank has kindly de-coded some of the most commonly used estate agent 'bloomers' to help buyers escape post-purchase depression, whatever the size of their mortgage and property.
John Barker, Head of Mortgage Lending at said "Whilst our interpretations are a little tongue in cheek, they do drive home a serious message - wise up to all the tricks of the property jungle before you make that move to put yourself on the first rung of the ladder."
The following phrases can sometimes be translated in different ways, so home buyers need to check their prospective purchases out very carefully!
First time buyers should watch out for.....
- Ambient nightlife - Next door to the local karaoke pub.
- Benefits from double glazing - The home on the intersection of four major roads.
- Close to local schools - The noise from the playground is deafening.
- Bijou - Not enough room to swing a cat.
- Compact - As above, but substitute kitten for cat.
- Convenient for - as in "Convenient for M25" - Your garden doubles as the hard shoulder.
- Easily maintained gardens - Don't even waste your time buying a lawn mower, just invest in some scissors.
- Friendly village atmosphere - You'll be the talk of the village within no time.
- Four bedrooms/study - Three bedrooms & a cupboard.
- In need of modernisation - In need of demolition.
- Internal viewing recommended - Looks awful from the outside.
- Light and airy - A gale blows through the ill-fitting window frames.
- Mature garden - Only suitable if you are David Bellamy.
- Original features - Water tank still contains cholera bacterium.
- Priced to sell - Please, please buy this house!
- Studio - You can watch TV in the bath.
- Would suit DIY enthusiast - The place is falling down around your ears.
Affluent couples should watch out for.....
- 16 th Century property enjoying features associated with that period - There's no toilet, but you can use the potties provided.
- A number of endearing features - the last owners have left granny living in the West wing!
- Exposed timbers - The money ran out before the builders could finish the job.
- Gorgeous eat in kitchen - No dining room so perch on a kitchen stool and enjoy your tucker!
- Guest suite - The last owners have left a sofa bed in the outhouse.
- Highly desirable park side location - Next to where the winos hang out.
- Imaginatively decorated - The previous owner was colour blind.
- Immaculately presented - You will be shown round by a former air hostess, who will be able to point the way to every door.
- In neutral contemporary tones - Every room is decorated in white woodchip.
- Omnipotent redbrick mansion - As ugly and tasteless as they come.
- One of a kind - If there were two, you would be in trouble!
- Oriental styled garden - Enjoy the whiff of chop suey served up at the takeaway next door.
- Popular residential road - Reach for those earplugs!
- Sympathetically converted - Done on the cheap by dab hand Dan the DIY man.
- Teeming with character - Commission a dry rot and woodworm report immediately.
- Wealth of features - Grotesque kitsch.
- Well fitted dressing area - The bathroom.
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